After three years of suffering, after six years of grief. In the negation, suspicion, abuse, and curse of others, I became a seriously ill schizophrenic. I always felt that war could break out at any moment, bloodshed could come at any time, and personal death could happen at any time. Life becomes very fragile. That I can't support tomorrow's glory on my own. In my spiritual world, everything is grayish white, will not be color, even if you see the early rise of the red sun, but also grayish white. Because the red sun, does not represent the so-called meaning, does not represent the eternal life.
What I inherited from my ancestors is still inherited in the life of the mentally ill, that is, my infinite worship of what my ancestors said, the philosophy of life summed up by my ancestors, and the inner nature that my ancestors served. I pin my life, which I can no longer humble, on others. I pray for the help of others and for being accepted as the same kind. Pray for my salvation. In the ethereal hope I saw a faint light, which was the light of hope that saved me from the darkness of failure, terror, retreat, burial, concealment, and pain.
What I think is completely different from what I actually give. It's the equivalent of a man going north, but he keeps going south. Not close to the goal, but infinitely away from the goal. Who can save me? That's what I've been thinking about. From primary school, junior high school, high school to college, one has been experiencing thinking about how life is saved. What can save me from fear, darkness, ignorance, dissatisfaction, poverty and selfishness? But when my soul embarked on the journey of God's life, everything became naturally open, clear, and bright. I found the greatest God in the world, and I found the best way to freedom in my life. A subtle voice remembered in my ear: "take up the cross of your life, do not complain, do not worry, do not panic." There is complete righteousness in God, complete victory in him, and complete satisfaction in him. "
My life has become strong and hopeful even in the midst of weakness. " If the sun is red, it means there is hope. The sun is white, still represents hope, my world will not change because of the changes in the world, the world presents the original color. I am a cynic, not so cynical now, but a admirer, an acceptor, a submissive.
I can't reason everything out logically, and I've become a gentle Christian without a spirit of resistance. I'm still fighting, I've been resisting traditional ethics. Confucius' theory, I have always been rebellious to treat the ground. I think the philosophy of nature is everything Laozi gave is extremely correct, there is little deviation, or there is a fallacy. In such a journey of life, a psychopath like me has seen that the life of God is extremely beautiful, the life of God can see the sun, and the life of God is everywhere quiet. I'm no longer alone, I'm no longer cynical. Surprised to find that I like the world, with my heart to feel the world.
In the Bible, seven stands for perfection. Because the human life cycle is 52 weeks a year, 52 weeks a year, seven days a week. So seven stands for perfection. In the New Testament, Jesus tells his disciples to forgive seven times and seven times. I didn't know before, but then I kept learning that the seven represent perfection and complete forgiveness.
I think of my partner's words: "when we see others, when we see the outside world, their way of life, way of thinking and ideas of life are not normal." But they define us as absolute psychopaths. We have been completely abandoned by this era. What are other people doing? What are other people thinking? Where will others go in the future? This has nothing to do with us. Because we are regarded as abandoned species, human dregs, one day will be transported to the crematorium, put into a small box, quietly never zodiac forever sleep?!
